"i'm sorry i used you, but you liked it"

i physically feel ill right now. it's definitely because i trusted a male, a friend i thought, and he ripped me appart... through his actions and words. NEVER EVER trust and ole miss boy. EVER. hahahhaah oh man. its weird. i go in moments of pure stomach renching guilt and disgust, and then i laugh the next over it. i don't know how to ffeel. i wish i had jeff's advice right now. but soon i will. lately all i've done is eat/sleep/play on the computer/watch law and order. its becoming nice. i'm becoming fat though. hahahah loads upon loads or lard. makes me think of bacon, yum. now i'm hungry again. when i'm busy i never eat. when i'm lazy it's all i do...


i am going out tonight with danielle, she plays volleyball now. her friends are coming too, yay new people. new boys hopefully.

i went to a hookah cafe last night and it was oodles of fun. i saw the most beautiful boy ever walk in. i commented and all the people i was with (7) start making a scene and embarassing me... they try to get him over with us but he wouldnt so i realized ok, i'm a loser this is done. i look over- about an hour later- and theres tank (girl on the vball team) sitting with them. i think i was the most embarassed girl ever in the whole world. i ate so much hummus, baba ganuj, falafel etc that this morning i could not get myself out of the bathroom.... lol that was probably too much information. after the cafe last night i went to quills and met up with brendan, random but nice. he bought me a birthday drink and we chatted for like 3 hours. it was nice to catch up and made me realize how excited i am for everyone to get in town. catching up tims.

i am so optimistic about this season, i can't even wait. i love the girls so much now, that this is going to be so much fun. i'll probably take that back in a few days but hell, i'm excited now.

note too self do not go to hookah cafes if your sick or have asthma... i cant stop coughing. AHHHHH

ANNA comes tomorrow, i am so stoked, or in the words of 811 GEEKED! i've missed her tons,br>
another note to self: do not spend the day reading emails from an ex. made me miss him lol.... but then i realized i fell for someone after him, so i'll fall for someone after this one. jesus. that made no sense

why do boys even matter???

pray for me kids, i need it now, seriously... i need forgiveness and restraint.

kisses